Happy Birthday to Daddy...Mummy is not a superwoman

Happy Birthday Daddy... ...
but mummy doubts you will ever read it anyway.

"I'm not your superwoman...I am only human..."

I try to be strong, stronger and stronger... ...
I try to be a good wife, good daughter-in-law, good daughter, good sister, good mummy... ...
but it seems like i have never really succeeded...but failed. failed terribly.

Both pregnancies and many things big small...i almost went through it just like a single mum...
i knew you didn't want it to be that way too.
I try to be understanding to all your tiredness, all your difficulties...
I try to be as independent as I can be...
whatever unjust I had to go through with anyone, i always put you at top priority...having no wish to put you in a difficult position...
No matter how tough the road ahead may seem, being married, I always thought a hubby will always be the pillar of support mentally, emotionally...

There are times I am so lonely, so tired...so mentally and emotionally drained.
BUT i am always alone.
I am just a woman afterall...
There are times I need a shoulder to cry on, a big warm hug... ...
where are they? I am just being left ignored, left alone, left on my own.
There are times I made my messages clear that I am not your superwoman, but just a stronger, independent woman who still needs your love, care and concern and help.... ...but your reply was...the capable one gets more tasks...even the stronger, independent woman has been slowly killed by your silence and nonchalance over the years.

i guess you will never understand why it is a difficult time for me now...
you will never be able to love me how I thought I will be loved by...
My genuine smile and laughter are beginning to leave me...bit by bit...
I am terrified... ....
terrified of losing them forever.

Why have I put in so much effort but for nothing?
i am scared... ...to reach the day when i will just throw the white cloth and surrender...

but i am only human...i am not your superwoman.
I will one day admit defeat to your silence, your nonchalance.
I am just not that strong afterall...just a woman, not a superwoman.
just alone still.