Some of my recent progress...

I am now about 11kg plus and I measure 80CM tall...still wearing L diapers/pull up pants...
drinking 240mls of formula at times, especially before bedtime...

I take my oatmeal breakfast quite regularly and my codfish/threadfin fish for lunch or dinner with some sidedish like vege or potatoes too...

I learnt to drink from a cup....there were some photos to show...but daddy's photography skills really sucks... ;p

I am also able to drink from a straw...not just a learning straw....a real straw!
Even the bubble tea big fat straw is not an issue for me!!!
:)

beginning to play with some wooden puzzles mummy bought for me...well I don't really know how to appreciate and play them the right way yet...I just throw them around...hehehe but i will learn.

as for my shapes sorter, sometimes I am able to put the right shapes through le....just that I will stop afetr putting a few and i will want to pour everything out from the box again...

I point to whatever I want and makes some "eh eh" request for it. And I will "eh" till they get the right item for me.

I bring my shoes to them when I want to go gai gai or when I am told to do so....

I learn to bring things to throw in the rubbish bin too!

I also learn to follow instructions like "bring this, bring that, give this to who, hug hug who etc..."

when mummy says it's bathtime, I will walk to the bathroom....

when mummy change diapers for me and she says" hold your feet", I will hold up my feet so she can powder my butt...but I hardly stay still for long .... I love to run around with my butt naked...

I call mama once in a blue moon....getting more often recently though...sometimes I do call daddy too...but sound more like "da-di"

and last night, mummy somehow heard me call her out "mummy" "mummy" softly....
sceptical, she verified with daddy....and daddy also said that's what he heard.

:) :D

MUMMY!!!!

19th March 2009: I went to Holland Macdonald Tea Garden for the first time!

The pictures aren't very clear to show...but I had a great night!
It's been sometime since Mummy said she want to bring me here!
Finally we went!!

There is a playground there and mummy climbed through together with me...
but because it is kind of small for her, it was quite tiring to have to keep bending down for me...

say hi to daddy!!
this is better...

still climbing around...

trying to "drive" with the steering wheel

bang bang! Let me out!

yeah! We made it!

I refused to come out...

distracted by "pretty" girl who walked pass

still looking...

daddy fed me mac fries...my first time!

some water for me...

yeah!!!!

????

Back at the slide

touch touch a bit more before heading home...

I wish mummy and daddy can spend more time to bring me out together like today.... ....
Not just mummy only...

:)

14th month...me getting down the bed after waking up from nap

This is normally what happens when I wake up in the room from my nap...

I cry & cry....if nobody comes to me, I will then climb down the bed and walk out of the room to look for someone(mummy or daddy or grandpa, grandma)...but i will still be crying while walking out lah.... ahhaha...

Mummy always tells me..."baby don't have to cry...you are not alone. We are around. What's there to cry? Just walk out.... :) "

There are indeed times I just wake up and climb down the bed, walk out of the room and get to them without even crying....so silent sometimes they only realise it when I am standing beside them...

hehe...

maybe i had a nightmare in the afternoon?

Mummy's voice: My wooden block broke his silence

For once, my wooden block broke his silence.

He finally opened his mouth to ask me what is wrong...he doesnt know what he has done wrong...
he is also very XIN KU to see me like that...

See that's how wooden he is... ...

I have made my stand very clear to him.
That he is a good man, but not yet a good boyfriend and good husband.
He says if I have given him 10 years, why cant i just be patient and give him more time, he will learn to be a better husband, boyfriend to me.

It is difficult to be angry for long at a "good wooden block man".
Becos, he doesnt know even what is wrong, when it is wrong... ...
And being good by nature, after you highlight to him, he acknowledges the issue and says he will try to learn... the thing is... you wonder if he can do it... ... hmmm at how many more ten years?

I dont expect him to be able to do so at the rate technology changes, at the rate housing blocks rises as they are being built... but perhaps I really didnt expect 10 years still is too short...

My wooden good man says 10 years is not enough...we will have at least another 4 to 5 X ten years to come... ... I must be patient..

I hope he will be happier going to work today... ...
I never meant to make his heart feel any heavier by wanting to make sure he knows what is wrong and understand where I am coming from... ...

I always knew the support a wife can give/must give to the husband is crucial and essential.
Maybe I am drained... ... drained from the years of providing love, support... but not getting my fair share...

A battery also needs to be recharged.

Only with him recharging my emotional and mental battery with love, care and concern,
then can I continue the lifelong journey of supporting him.

I asked: "Are you happy?"
hubby: "No, becos my wife is not happy."
I said: "I like the happy us, no matter how tough life was... I can only be happy if you love me enough, care for me enough...like how a husband should do..."
hubby:"Ok, I know."

I am really pretty simple.
There are times I need a shoulder to cry, rest on...i hope its yours.
There are times I need the incentive to move on further...i hope it comes from you.
I hope he really got it through this time.

Now we are ok.
I am happy.

mummy said something

mummy said something ....

"I don't have to love what you love."

to daddy...

my hubby

my hubby... ...


to most people, a man of few words
the direct opposite of me who to most it may seem, is always the chatty one...who cant seem to stop talking...sharing...

well, maybe.


but to me, my hubby is...
I know for sure a good man.
BUT not a good boyfriend, neither a good husband..maybe a good father he will be.


Having had a "non-existence" father, an incomplete family since childhood, I have always knew what is important to me when it comes to choosing my man for my lifetime.


he doesnt have to be wealthy, becos I know I can earn my own $$, I can be financially independent.

he doesnt have to be damn good looking, becos charisma, character & personality to me are more important

he doesnt have to be a high flyer becos I know that doesnt determine he will be a good man

he doesnt have to be highly educated becos I know it is the communication and frequency of thoughts and our common objectives that count.

knowing my hubby is quite a 'wooden block", I was prepared to "teach" him how to love me..

I was prepared that it takes time and efforts.
BUT what i have come to realised is that even after 10 years, it seemed worse than ever. And how many more 10 years do I have to wait?

He doesnt do things I like, He doesnt try to love the stuffs I love...

He doesnt even buy me the food I am craving for(be it a surprise for me or not, though I would love to be surprised, which girl doesnt?), despite my repeated mentioning.

He doesnt even plan dates to take us out every now and then

He doesnt even bother to do things to make me happy when I am sad...but then maybe....

he probably doesnt even know when i am unhappy.

..... ...... ..... ..... ......maybe the list can go on.... .... .... .... ..... ..... ......

I dont feel loved, I dont feel his care and I dont feel his concern.


BUT he is a good man.

A good homely, faithful man, who comes home after work and in between work, whenever whatever free time he may have.


BUT is this the man I wanted for my lifetime?

We were supposed to grow old together, upkeep with each other's changes as we grow and move into the different stages of our lives

Has he stopped growing with me?
Or
Am I the one who has changed too much, too fast?
But I am certain I havent changed any bit...or rather my expectations hasnt changed....

Isnt it so that when you love someone, you want him/her to be happy?

I know I am not happy and I want to be happy.

Is not to have hopes the only way?
No hopes, no expectations, thus no disappointment?

mummy's voice:I am tired

Friday night it happened again...

after spending the entire day with mum, finally came home about 11plus PM after a movie..
reached the doorstep and Asher came right into my arms...

seeing that it was late, with my bag on one hand and the other holding asher's hand, I directed him up the stairs to our bedroom for his bed-time. Just few steps up the stairs, my MIL approached and said she will sleep with Asher...as usual, I told her it is fine and Asher will sleep with me. Without wanting to say much, I hurried Asher further up the stairs to head for the room.

I didnt even want to take time to go wash up, get change or even prepare Asher's night time basket, fearing that after doing all these, it would be too late for me to get hold of Asher.

Once into the room, I switched on he aircon, fan and as usual baby's night time music...sat down and played his shapes sorter with him and read him his story books..........................
BUT NOT FOR LONG...

"Knock Knock" ... before I could even respond, MIL opened the door le...

"Asher, come follow Grandma, Grandma pat pat you sleep..."

As Asher did not respond to her well enough for MIL to take him away naturally like previously, MIL said to me that she bring Asher downstairs to sleep.

I responded, "it is really ok. FANG XIN, he will be fine with me.I want him to sleep here with me."
MIL followed, "It is FIL who is kind of anxious...not I BU FANG XIN, is your FIL BU FANG XIN, worried you both cant take care of him well cos he is coughing, ask me to come and bring Asher down..." as she stretches for Asher...

Despite my obvious reluctance and repeated assurance that I can take care of Asher, there is nothing to be overly anxious about, she still took him away, even after I 'acted crying sadly' to make Asher come back to me himself, which he did.... BUT WELL, he was still taken away...

Alvin came in, but made no attempt to help nor stop his mum....

Sitting on the bed in silence, no words can describe the extent of helplessness, upset and frustration I felt at that moment.

No help rendered from my hubby... ...
but he said,"Let him sleep with them lah....anyway it's saturday tmr, Asher will not be able to sleep with them too...the folks look after the baby whole day le since you were out with your mum, they also want to sleep with him mah..."

"Obviously becos' I was out the whole day with my mum, I missed my son and they also spent the whole day's time with him...plus I am going to be at work entire day tmr too...I can only see him now. And what does it mean by BU FANG XIN I can't take care of asher well, I have been on my own all the way before we came back here to stay. I am his mum and I want to be there for him when he is sick, when he coughs during the middle of the night etc...And he has already slept with them the night before....so what's not right with him sleeping with his mummy, me now....."

I simply hate it when such happens.....last time knock the door, still will wait for me to open...nowadays, simply just open and walk in after 2 gentle knocks...come in and take Asher away....I dont feel good about it and I have tried my best to show it tactfully while still maintaining the respect for them.

How many more times do I have to go through this before they start accepting that I am just not going to let Asher sleep with them everyday like it's a norm? Maybe they are used to having their grandchildren sleep with them like in the case of Jodi and Jaden...BUT that's is not my way.

Because of this happening again and again, despite my obvious resistance & reluctance, I am fearful of staying downstairs for too long during the night....when it is time, I hurriedly go up...ended up with Alvin having to bring things up for me...and the whole situation makes it even tougher on him...cos he is between us.

I have always believed in respecting my IN-LAWS as I know they have been wonderful IN-LAWS and I am really blessed to be able to live in harmony with them, thus not making life difficult for hubby. But they have got to respect me too, respect me as Asher's mummy...

I am tired of having to go through this fearful and upsetting routine time and again.
It spoils my mood and makes me upset.

And becos of this happening, it sparked off a quarrel between Alvin & I...angrily, I told him I am really upset and I am really tired of it, fearful....it led me into telling him how much I felt he doesnt know what i want and doesnt make effort for me how much I hate it...the same stuffs I was so upset about just earlier the month...which he promised he will change for the better....but it never...NEVER took place. He was still like that. Just like the chicken breastmeat rice he repeatedly bought me despite knowing I hate chicken breastment, AFTER 10 years...

But he maintained silence throughout which upset me even more....I have said that to him before that I hate his silence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still that didnt change....

3plus AM....i am sick of waiting....i waited lying at one corner of the room..till I fell asleep crying....until I woke up at 3plus AM, eyes feeling pain...(he probably didnt even realise that)
He woke up too.
At this point, I decided I just wanted to get out of the room, out of the house, out of his sight!
Still in my jeans, I took my jacket, bag and went downstairs....he too went downstairs while I was getting my stuffs...

Before I could even leave the house, I heard Asher crying...he was awakened as Alvin went into parent's room to carry him up into our room...How could I bear to leave as I had wanted?
This is bad. I really badly wanted to get out of his sight...but I couldnt just leave Asher behind...but it was 3AM, where could I bring him?

It is not what I wanted. I never wanted him to go get Asher back into the room since he was already asleep. I just wanted a solution to everything. I just wanted him to understand my pain and disappointment, how upset I felt. i just DONT WANT HIS DAMN SILENCE!!!

but he never knew... ...

I went back to bed...still upset.

Even until today, he never made any effort to talk about it.

I really hate it so much that his "tmr for me" never comes.